Jobs, Gratitude and Kids

I would like a job. I've been pondering about one for months. I have certain criteria for this job and am armed with specific qualifications myself. I feel the pressure to contribute to our family income and further our passage in this life. I am not looking to get a job so that I can buy a boat, a bigger car or better tv. Just a house. One that I do not pay rent money that will never come back to me, but a mortgage that allows the money to stay in my name. I am firm about the time away from the kids. I have not chosen my first occupation to be a mother, to then hand them over for someone else to raise while I can go make an extra buck or two. I anxiously awaited the arrival and felt the immense joy it was and is to have Brenden and Kyleigh join our family. They have been entrusted to my care. A sacred trust that carries weight far beyond this mortal, taxable life. To exchange the watchful care and upbringing of these two, very precious kids for a few more $signs in my bank account is not worth it to me. Trent and I have a budget set up and we are ok on his salary alone, but barely. If there are any more surgeries or accidents or car troubles, then we have to reach into our savings or tax refund (which we are trying to save for graduate school, a home and a bigger car so we can someday have more than 2 kids since my car doesn't hold 3 car seats. I've tested it). This is another big reason why Trent has decided to further his education so that he can secure for himself and his family a better job and allow us to breathe a little easier at the end of the month. I am so proud of him. He works very hard, is very dedicated, and after watching a salesman who was still knocking on people's doors at 8pm last night when he could be with his family and a warm home, I asked him if he would ever do that. He said that if he ever lost his job, he would do whatever it takes to provide for his family. I believe him. But I want to help. I have a college degree. Two of them, actually. And from a reputable university. Every job I have interviewed for, I have received an offer. (MTC, then a teaching position in Vegas and West Jordan when we moved and I thought I would have to work just to make ends meet. I took the MTC job, but turned down the Vegas and West Jordan teaching jobs because we decided not to put Brenden in day care but to live wisely and frugally instead). I am glad we made that decision. As a fresh BYU graduate, I had full sight on having my own classroom with new students each year and all the great things we would do and learn, etc etc.....but after more careful thought, I decided that raising my own little boy was worth more than possibly helping out a few students here and there throughout the years that may or may not even remember my name after a few years. Brenden would remember my name, and based on the teaching I offered to him, would have a far more lasting effect, and one that I would be more proud of. I am teaching numbers and letters, manners and friendship rules, potty training and future missionary training, and above all, that there is a God who is incredibly mindful of us and wants the very best for us. I have my English grammer, literature and Spanish games tucked away in the back of my storage closet, but my scriptures are in plain sight. I am not trying to be 'holy' and 'high and mighty'. But I am not ashamed to let Brenden and Kyleigh know that their Mom and Dad read what the Prophets have written and seek to counsel with, receive guidance from, and give sincere thanks every day to their Maker. So am I done searching for a job? No, I've gone through many options. Some valid ones and others a little far reaching. Some that are purely to make money, others that would be more 'fun' for me. I've thought seriously and even called the local newspaper agency to inquire about being a delivery person because that way I would leave at 1am and be home by at least 7am when Trent needs to leave for work. This would allow me to not miss any family time, but I would be so exhausted that I would either crash during the day or go to bed so early that I miss out on family time...the exact thing I would be taking the job to enable me to have plenty of. I thought about coaching a junior high or high school team. But then I thought I would start my own league, that way I could make more money and decide on the other coaches and what the policies would be. I asked around the ward to see how much interest there would be in starting a girls softball, basketball or volleyball league, but it was minimal. I have looked at the many many online jobs offered. Many want you to pay them for some initial training and some equipment like a headset and software to input the information into. I tried to find a tutor or online teaching job. www.k12.com seemed to fit my qualifications, interest and family time restraints. I just received an email today that they are not looking for the positions I would like to teach. Unfortunately my teaching certificate has expired recently and I would need to take additional classes and find some substitute teaching jobs to be certified once again. But where do I drop my kids off for 8 hours every so often when a sub is needed. And the pay wouldn't be so great either since my certificate has expired. I have thought about offering to watch other kids for Moms who work. That way I could stay at home, play with the kids and make money doing so. But I've moved so often that I don't ever have time to meet anyone or them to know me long enough to entrust the care of their children to me. I thought maybe getting a job at the daycare of a gym or some other more reputable place would be a good option, but I'm nervous about the type of kids that I would expose Brenden and Kyleigh to as I drag them to some foreign location for hours at a time. And I would need to be home by a specific time to give Kyleigh her nap. Cause once again, I am not compromising on their health-physical, emotion or spiritual. That much is set in solid, not moving an inch, stone. So mostly I have been waiting for the law school acceptance letters to come in before I make a commitment to any employer in case I need to move or quit my contract with them. I have researched to see how difficult it would be to take photography and photoshop editing classes so that I could take pictures for a few hours a couple Saturdays a month and edit them during nap time or once the kids go to bed. That has peaked my interest the most since the benefits bleed into my personal as well as business goals. Then, I have started a few drafts of some fiction and non-fiction writing that I dream of having published one day. This is the most frightening one for me since I hate rejection and really want anything with my name on it to be really, really good. But it can be so hard to please so many different types of people. Editors, readers of different ages and likes, and myself. So this is where I am at. Any endeavor I take, I do not want it to be something that will be done purely for the money. I would rather continue to live very frugally until Trent gets out of law school than find some meaningless, fruitless job that takes me away from the kids and leaves me tired or stressed out to really enjoy the things that matter most. I would like to make an impact in the world. That may sound fairy tale sweet and naive, but I think it is possible. In all my searching, I have spent much time on my knees asking God for direction and help. I was listening to a talk about the advice Marion G Romney received when he was first called to be an Apostle. Harold B Lee told him he would offer one piece of advice. Go to bed early and get up early. So I have been waking up earlier, studying, searching and figuring out what I should do with my life. I am a Wife and a Mom first. But is there something else I should be? What is it?
A few things that have helped me the most are President Monson's talk on Gratitude and the incredible wealth of knowledge in the scriptures. So many women around me are going out into the workforce, and it seems I am supposed to think that families can't make it in this world financially if both spouses aren't working. I may be a little simple minded, but I know a few things for certain. My first job and one that I will be eternally (forever, long haul, permanent)ly judged for is my Mothering and Wife jobs. I really want those to be the ones I am best at. If something else comes up and makes me less of a wife or mother, I have failed in all of my occupations. If I can bring in some money for our family, great. If I do not, but the kids are fed, clothed, warm and taught how to be contributing members of their society and God-fearing, then my paycheck will give me dividends that increase and multiply over time....and more than I will probably know about in this life. I may have to clip coupons for several more years, not update my wardrobe for awhile, and take out a bigger loan for our car or house than I'd like, but I will lay my head on my pillow at night and know that Brenden and Kyleigh are a greater treasure than any Washington, Jefferson or Jackson available. Simply put, this world and all its money and possessions will have an end. If I seek for those first, I will be left wanting. If I seek for the bienestar (well-being) of those directly within my reach and who have a permanent connection to me, I will find myself abundantly blessed, open doors and all windows to receive what will come. Not because of any merit of my own, but more so because I happen to know somewhat of the Nature of the One in charge of the distribution of goods, and He is generous in His giving when it comes to things of an eternal nature. This is true. I have already felt some of my heavenly wages and they are sweet. The Prophet really knew what he was talking about when he said, "Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love." What a rewarding exercise it has been for me to consciously try to be more grateful. Look for the ways that God has blessed me and then remember to give thanks. What a difference it makes. It's true also what the English author Aldous Huxley wrote, “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.” I feel as though the Prophet Thomas S. Monson has counseled us to cultivate more gratitude in our lives, and make conscious efforts to do so until it becomes intertwined into our beings and a part of us, for a reason. Noah told the people of the floods that would come and those who listened, were saved. In no less manner will we be rewarded if we listen and do what the Prophet says. It has to be so. God said so and He never lies. I feel as though I am just breaking the iceberg on all that Gratitude has to teach me and offer in the way of helping me avoid sadness, sorrow and selfishness and lead me to greater joy and peace that this world only offers glimpses of what's in store. I can't wait to see what else there is to come. I'm sure it will be well worth the time spent searching. For now, it's time to go play trucks and airplanes with the kids...they have it almost all set up now....