Letter to my Dad

August 12, 2015 

Been thinking about what happened over the past weekend and what I was supposed to learn from it. Had a couple thoughts. 

I was scared. I was hurt and when the Physician Assistant examined me and heard how much blood had been lost, he too was not very optimistic. He and the nurse thought the baby was gone. Trent, who cleaned everything up, thought there was no way a baby was still in there. With the amount of cramping on Sunday, I thought my body was preparing for the removal of a baby who couldn't make it. 

Today I still have flu-like symptoms with achy joints and overall crappy feeling.
However, all of that...every pain and scare, are endured when there is a "prize" at the end of a little baby. Who then turns out with a funny personality like Kent, or a 'going-places-determined" girl like Kyleigh, or a non-violent and non-competitive boy like Brenden. This one would add another variety to our Sorensen mix. And I am so happy that it is still a possibility. How wonderful to increase our numbers. That one soul in Heaven, waiting desperately to come down, will still make his/her arrival early next year.

But, all these circumstances caused me to think about children, eternal family, and my role as a Mother. 

Lori Wagner said she had some Seventy at her house and they discussed the role of woman and the priesthood. She wrote about it here: 

http://joy4yourjrney.blogspot.com/

One of my favorite parts was this on authority and power that comes from Priesthood as I fulfill my Mothering duties: "The teaching of our children and helping them along the covenant path to exaltation is the pattern of Godhood. It is what our Heavenly Parents do. As we participate in this work we are learning Godhood, which in its most simple form is parenthood. Entering into the priesthood covenant of Eternal Marriage gives us both the authority and the responsibility to participate with God in His great work, and the keeping of our priesthood covenants gives us the power to fulfill our responsibilities."

I enjoy thinking that as I learn to become a better Mother, I am fulfilling my responsibility given me through a Priesthood covenant I made in the Temple. That, in turn, gives me power beyond mere mortal stuff when I try to follow all commandments and as best I can, the pattern of Godhood. 

I know I've said it before, and I hope it falls the way I intend, but having you as a Father has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. When you fulfill your Priesthood duty, show love toward me and my Mom and siblings....I cannot help but feel the "Pattern of Godhood"...which feels like a direct conduit of tangible and real love from Heaven. God is more real to me when you show the stuff of what He's made of--divine love. Charity. The empathetic, I want to feel what you feel, and carry your burden type of love. It just feels like it is more 'real'. It has real power. It sustains. It makes me want to be a better person. 

The coolest thing I felt that night after I said my prayer before closing my eyes at the end of the day, was, in any trial/hardship/difficulty/problem, there is a chance to either come closer to God or further away. I can whine and ask why me? or I can kneel before my Maker and ask for a piece of the balm of Gilead. I accepted the possibility of loosing a child, though I had not yet seen that child, it was a real piece of me and we were making plans for his/her place in our family. The chance we might not take care of that child in this life, left a hole in me and it felt empty and heavy. But then you showed up and spoke some comforting words and said any child to come into our family would be blessed and that was so nice to hear. I wanted to be like our Mother Eve---a mother of living. (Obviously not "all" living.) I learned that God more than makes up for our lack or hurt when we come to Him. He is one of those who rushes to the rescue if called upon, and pours out blessings in over-abundance (His favorite thing really must be to surprise His children with more good things than what they expected. He doesn't usually bless with "just enough". I don't think he uses a balance to mete out a blessing according to the degree of help asked). I went to bed Sunday night, still unsure if we were going to have a baby or not, but so happy. I knew that all would be ok, because I was letting His will take charge and not trying to force mine. I was allowing His love and that of my family to make up the lack I felt that day. And it just had this overwhelming feeling. 

Patricia Holland wrote a book called "Strength and Stillness" and said "Eve was given the identity of the mother of all living--years, decades, perhaps centuries before she had ever borne a child. It would appear that her motherhood preceded her maternity just as surely as the perfection of the Garden preceded the struggles of mortality. I believe mother is one of those very carefully chosen words, one of those words rich with meaning after meaning after meaning. I believe with all my heart that is is first and foremost a statement about our nature, not a head count of our children."

I like learning about how to be a mom. You and Mom have sure set a good pattern to follow...

From top left, clockwise: Trent with Brenden, Trent holding Kent, all 3 kids together, Trent kissing Kyleigh.